When siblings enter the picture, the dynamics at home often shift in ways a child might not be fully prepared for. Many older children suddenly feel that their once undivided spotlight has moved elsewhere, leading to changes in their behaviour and emotional responses.
During an interview with Galatta India, actor Ananya Panday once reflected on feeling left out after the birth of her sister Rysa. She revealed, “I was a very overdramatic child because I also had the elder sister syndrome… because when Rysa was born, I stopped getting any attention. Toh, I had to do different things to get attention.”
She added, “That’s why my parents called me AP, which is attention problems.”
Such confessions might sound lighthearted, but they bring up deeper questions about how children process attention, affection, and perceived neglect when a sibling arrives.
So, when a child expresses feelings of being overlooked, how can parents help them feel secure without creating a sense of rivalry?
Counselling psychologist Athul Raj tells indianexpress.com, “The arrival of a younger sibling can feel like a sudden shift in the world of an elder child. Overnight, the attention they were used to is being shared, and that can stir feelings of being left out. What helps is when parents stay mindful of this transition. Even small gestures matter– reading a bedtime story alone with the older child, involving them in simple baby-care routines, or saying out loud, ‘I know it feels different for you right now.’”
He shares that these moments signal to the child that their place in the family is unchanged. When parents create such spaces of recognition, children learn that love does not shrink with the birth of a sibling; it only expands.
Can labeling a child, whether jokingly or not, affect their self-esteem or identity as they grow up?
“Yes, words leave an imprint,” notes Raj, adding that for a child still shaping their identity, even affectionate nicknames can quietly become defining labels. Something like ‘attention problems,’ though playful in tone, may make a child feel they are demanding or difficult. As they grow, this can impact how they perceive themselves in friendships, at work, or in relationships.
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How can parents distinguish between attention-seeking behaviour and genuine emotional needs?
According to Raj, what adults often call “drama” is often a child’s way of saying, “I need to be heard.” Attention-seeking in children is rarely meaningless; it usually points to a need underneath — loneliness, jealousy, or worry. Parents can notice patterns: if reactions are accompanied by withdrawal, clinginess, or changes in sleep, it’s often a sign of deeper emotional needs. Instead of dismissing, pausing to ask, “What is my child trying to tell me?” changes the interaction completely.
“Responding with empathy, while guiding them toward calmer ways of expression, reassures the child that their feelings matter. Over time, this reduces the need for exaggerated reactions and builds trust in the parent-child bond,” concludes the expert.
