Screenwriter Honey Irani and lyricist Javed Akhtar may have parted ways decades ago, but their relationship continues to be marked by mutual respect and emotional closeness. Irani, in particular, has often spoken with remarkable grace and honesty about their journey — from love to marriage to eventual separation.
“Yes, it is true that during Seeta and Geeta, I fell in love with Javed Sir. Once, he asked me to pick a card during a game, and he won. He joked, ‘You are so lucky for me, I think I should marry you.’ We were dating for seven to eight months,” she shared in a recent interview with Filmfare.
Speaking about their separation, she added, “I did feel angry and all during my separation with Javed Akhtar, but I’ve never been dramatic. I did feel this was not working, and I have always said, it was never because of Shabana. I don’t know what to call it. Maybe he was looking for something totally different from me, which I had. There is a lot of love and respect to date between us. I know he will never say anything or do anything that will harm my children; that is one thing I am confident about. So, I guess that made it easy.”
Their son, actor-filmmaker Farhan Akhtar, has also reflected on how their divorce shaped his views on relationships. “It was difficult. A certain aspect of it was, of course, that I had been through having divorced parents when I was a kid. I know what it felt like and there was a huge part of me that was like — I cannot do this to my own kids,” he once said.
So, when a relationship ends but mutual respect remains, how does that influence the emotional healing process and co-parenting dynamic?
Counselling psychologist Athul Raj tells indianexpress.com, “When a relationship ends but mutual respect is preserved, it allows emotional healing to happen in a much safer way. The loss is still real, but it doesn’t have to be destructive. Respect becomes a quiet boundary that keeps people from turning pain into cruelty.”
For healing, he adds that this makes a real difference. “It becomes easier to accept that while the relationship didn’t survive, it still had meaning.”
When children are involved, mutual respect between ex-partners becomes essential. “The way parents treat each other after separation deeply influences how children experience safety and stability,” states the expert.
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How important is emotional regulation in heartbreak?
Honey Irani mentioned she “never was dramatic” during the separation. Raj notes, “Emotional regulation during heartbreak matters, but it is often misunderstood. It is not about suppressing pain, but about knowing when and how to express it safely.”
Honey Irani’s choice not to be dramatic likely offered her children some emotional stability. Children look to their parents during conflict and absorb their emotional signals. When a parent remains steady, the child feels less fear and confusion.
How do childhood experiences of parental separation shape adult relationships and parenting choices?
Raj informs, “Farhan’s response is something I have heard many times in therapy. People say they never want their children to go through what they did. That intention comes from a place of protection, but it needs emotional awareness to guide it. If the adult has not worked through their hurt, that protective instinct can turn into control, perfectionism, or overcompensation.”
Adult children of divorce often parent from a deeper place. But only when they take the time to understand how that early experience shaped them. That understanding is what breaks cycles and builds healthier relationships in the next generation.
